Musar על אבות 2:4

And the penitent should also worry lest his impulse overpower him. [It is] like they, may their memory be blessed, said (Avot 2:4), "Do not trust in yourself until the day of your death" - all the more so, a man whose heart has already vanquished him. For it is fitting to guard oneself every instant from the ambushing impulse; and to add fear of God to himself every day. And it will [then] be a fortress when all of the breakers of the impulse that renew themselves in the future pass upon him.

Therefore, if a man does not constantly guard himself with wisdom and alertness to be saved from arrogance, even though he possesses much knowledge of the Torah and many good deeds, he will inherit Gehenna. For the evil desire always lies in ambush for him, and brings reasons and proofs in order to make him arrogant, for the whole mission of the evil desire is to destroy a man. Therefore a man should not be too idle to conquer the evil desire daily. And this is a great battle, as we have found in the case of one of the saintly who met men returning from war with plunder. He said to them, "You have returned from a small war; you must face a great war." They asked him, "What kind of war?" He said to them, "The evil inclination and its hosts, for every other enemy when you conquer him one, two or three times, he will let you be, but the evil desire will not desist from you even if he is conquered a hundred times, as our sages said: "And do not believe in yourself until the day of your death" (Aboth 2:4), for all your days he will be in ambush for you, hoping that perhaps you will turn your attention away from him. And if he defeats you in the smallest matter he will in the end defeat you in the most serious matters. And since arrogance is the root of many unworthy qualities and since the evil desire participates and mingles in all that goes on in the heart of a man, and the entire purpose of evil desire is to falsify Truth and make the Lie seem true, he teaches man to be proud and brings arguments to justify arrogance, therefore you must arm yourself to deal wisely in your struggle against him.

And behold we shall conclude this topic with an esteemed statement of the Sages of Israel, may there memory be blessed: Hillel, peace be upon him, used to say (Avot 1:14), "If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if not now, when?" The explanation of the content is [that] if a person does not arouse his soul, what effect can reproof have? For even if they enter his heart on the day that he hears them, the impulse will forget them and drive them out of his heart, like the matter of that which was stated (Hosea 6:4) "when your goodness is like a morning cloud." And it is [also] stated (Proverbs 10:20), "The tongue of a righteous man is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little worth (kimeat)." Its explanation is that the reproof of a righteous man is pure without any dross, and his speech is chosen. But the heart of the evildoers that listen to his reproof is [only for] one instant. This is from the usage (Psalms 81:15), "then would I subdue their enemies instantly (kimeat)" - the meaning of which is, in an instant would I subdue their enemies. And [only] an understanding and refined heart is called a heart, as it is stated (Proverbs 15:32), "he who heeds reproof acquires heart"; and (Proverbs 17:16), "to purchase wisdom, when he has no heart?" Indeed, a man must arouse his heart when he hears reproof and place the things into his heart, to constantly think about them. And he should add teaching from his own heart and produce words. He should also meditate in the chambers of his spirit and repent, to turn the hand of the reproof upon himself and not just rely upon the rebuke of the rebuker. [Otherwise. that] rebuke will be like morning clouds, and for [fleeting] instants, until he takes the reproof upon himself and until he purifies himself. "But if I am for my own self [only], what am I?" Even when I am for myself and I reflect upon wisdom all the time, what am I? For the grasp of a man is short and weak. So [even] with the effort and the refinement, he will only attain a little of the virtues - see what I am and what my life is when I am not for myself, to make efforts to refine my soul. And the comparison here is to a field that is inferior. For with great toil and refinement, and with much work, it will bring out a small [amount of] seed. But if they do not toil in its refinement, it will not produce [anything] and no grass will grow in it besides thorns and brambles. However there is benefit in sowing a superior field - even if he does not toil in working it. And our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said about this matter (Avot D' Rabbi Natan 16), "That which it is written (Psalms 103:14), 'For He knows our formation' - there is a [relevant] metaphor of a king that gave a field to his servants and warned them to work it and guard it, and to bring him thirty kor from it each year. And they toiled on it and worked it well, but only bought five kor in front of the king. He said to them, 'What have you done?' They said to him, 'Our master, the king, the field that you gave us was inferior, and we worked it with all of our strength. But with all of the toil, it did not make more grain than this.'" "And if not now, when?" It is not appropriate for me to delay my efforts, a day or two, in refining my soul and fixing set times for Torah [study]. For if I say, "I shall hope for leisure time and until I have enough money in my hands for my needs" - behold the distractions of the world do not stop. As our Rabbis, may their memory be blessed, said (Avot 2:4), "Say not, 'When I shall have leisure I shall study,' lest you will not have leisure."

The idea of "the scales of merit" is either to side with the one who is reported to have done or said something, i.e., to say that the din is with him, or to say that he was unwitting in what he did or said, or that he did not know the severity of the issur, or, even if none of the above possibilities apply, to think that perhaps the speaker left out a certain detail or added a small detail, which slanted the report in his disfavor. And Chazal have stated as a principle (Avoth 2:4): "Do not judge your friend until you find yourself in his place."

The sixth thought is that he should take it into his heart to fulfill what God has commanded him and to avoid all that He has warned him not to do. If a man desires that the Creator, may He be Exalted, should do that which he depends upon Him to do, then he must act according to the words of the Sages : "Make His will thy will in order that He shall do thy will as His will. Nullify your will before His will in order that He should nullify the will of others before your will" (Aboth 2:4). But he who trusts and depends on the Lord, may He be Exalted, and does not fulfill what He has commanded him — what a simpleton and fool is he! And of this it is said : "For what is the life of the flatterer, though he gets profit or gain, when God takes away his soul? Will God hear his cry?" (Job 27:8,9). And it says: "Will you steal, murder, and commit adultery and swear falsely and offer unto Baal and walk after other gods whom you have not known, and come and stand before Me in this house upon which My name is called?" (Jer. 7:9-10). And it says : "Has this house wherein My name is called become a den of robbers in your eyes?" (Ibid. : 11).

And since everything depends upon the quality of graciousness, a person should incline all of his will to do the commandments of the Lord, may He be Blessed, willingly — and thus said our teachers : "Do His will as you would do your own will, so that He may do your will as He does His own will" (Aboth 2:4).

You should know that zeal is the very beginning of all ethics. For no man can be perpetually bent over his book. He must eat, sleep and perform his bodily functions. Therefore, it requires eagerness and care to return to one's book and to study. One should not muse "the day is still long and the year is still long." Concerning this our Sages, of blessed memory, said : "Do not say, 'when I have some free time, I will study' — perhaps you will never be free" (Aboth 2:4). Nor should a man say, : "It is already evening — if I start studying now, I will have to stop in a little while to pray," for it is better to spend one hour in study even if only to learn one saying, than to do any other thing in the world. Concerning this it is said, "He that turneth away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination" (Prov. 28:9). And thus it is written : "The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver" (Ps. 119:72). And thus it is also written, "For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand" (Ps. 84:11), on which the Talmud comments : The Holy One, Blessed be He, said, "I prize one day of your studying Torah more than the thousand sacrifices which your son Solomon will offer upon the altar" (Shabbath 30a).

And now consider the case of a man who must walk a distance during the day of ten parasangs ^** Ancient Persian measure of length about 3-1/4 miles. and more, and his path is filled with stumbling blocks, mud and stones, and there are plunderers and murderers along that way and he must go in spite of all of this, for so has the king commanded him and he is not able to avoid it, how must this man first prepare in the morning and gird his loins with alertness and walk speedily? Therefore, how important it is to rise early and to begin early the service of the Creator, may He be exalted. And even though he does all that is in his power, he will attain only a little of the needed qualities. As our Sages expounded (Aboth de R. Nathan, chap. 16) on the verse, "For he knoweth our frame" (Ps. 103:14). They told a parable of a king who gave a field to his servants and he told them to till it and guard it and to extract from it thirty kur (of produce) every year, and they busied themselves in this matter and tilled it well, but they brought before the king only five kur. He said to them, "What is this that you have done?" They said to him, "Our lord, the king, the field you gave to us has poor soil, and though we worked it with all our might it did not produce more than this amount. Thus, man, even though he works with all his strength, his accomplishment is little and if he says, "I will wait until I have time or until I earn enough for my needs," know that the troubles and responsibilities of this world never cease. As our Sages said, "And say not, 'When I have leisure I will study'; perhaps you will never have leisure" (Aboth 2:5).

The fifth principle of repentance is worry. One should worry about the punishment of his sins, for there are sins where repentance holds the atonement in suspense and only afflictions cleanse away the wrong (Yoma 86a), as it is said, "For I do declare mine iniquity; I am full of care because of my sin" (Ps. 38:19). And what is the difference between sorrow and worry? Sorrow is for what has already taken place, while worry concerns the future. And a person who has sinned should always worry whether he has fallen short in the matter of repentance and has not completed the full measure of repentance. And he should worry lest his evil inclination overpower him. As our Sages, of blessed memory, said, "Do not trust in yourself until the day of your death" (Aboth 2:4).

And if you should say, "After I gather some money, and after I am free of my business affairs, then I will return and read and study the Torah" — if such a thought should come into your heart, then you will never acquire the crown of the Torah. But "fix a period for the study of Torah" (Aboth 1:15), and let your daily work be secondary. "And do not say, 'When I have leisure I will study' for perhaps you will have no leisure' " (Aboth 2:5).